Internet

Apologies. I have things to post on this thing. I have photos of Prague and stories to accompany them. I have photos of the wonderful city of Budapest in Hungary to which I paid a visit this past weekend. I have stories to accompany those, as well.

But the internet here is being worked on. They say that by Wednesday it should be fast and reliable. I am pessimistic at best, since this is the story of the semester. However, I can't complain too much. I'm in Prague.


I'll have to talk about something else, I guess.


I have a teacher named Jan Urban who teaches "Modern Dissent: The Art of Defeat." He is a political journalist and was a dissident during the Communist regime here in the Czech Republic. He's been tortured as a young man. He was a player in the Velvet Revolution. He's helped uncover mass graves in Kosovo. He's seen his country go through some earth-shattering changes ideologically, culturally, and politically. The class is a discussion. How do these things happen? Can they happen again? And how can we dissent against corrupt powers without getting into trouble?

This is a guy who grew up IN LOVE with Communism. His father joined the party back in the early 30's. The Communists were the only ones threatening the Nazis. His first political thought was "There is something wrong with Czechoslovacks! Why aren't we part of the Soviet Union yet?" He grew up hating America. They told him when he was a young schoolboy that America sent over insects -- beetles -- to eat all the crops in the rural areas. They'd have competitions where the schoolkids would go out and collect as many bugs as they could from the fields. Whoever had the most "imperialist beetles" won.

It's amazing, the things this man says. "I've seen it before in refugee camps. The distance between civility and barbarism is 24 hours without water and two meals. After 24 hours without water, it doesn't matter if you have a university degree. People kill each other for water."

He'll start talking about Communism or Socialism or the like, and end up going off on the most amazing tangents. Inevitably, they'll start with something like "I almost got killed once, arguing with a bunch of drunken Serbian soldiers..."

It's easily the best class I have this semester. It's easily the best academic class I've taken ever.



In other semi-related news, the Jaurisova Microcosm has been watching the recent economic drama unfold on International CNN. No one really understands yet the implications of today's failure of the House. So we're all sort of treating it with unfocused nervousness and some mixture of reserved optimism and unabashed skepticism.

Jan Urban says that the best way to survive a crisis is through humor. It's the best chance you'll have at staying sane. So, to all my friends in America who may be afraid of an impending financial disaster, here is a joke I recently heard:

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “That driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You should go right up there and tell him off! Go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you.”

In other news, we get North American Sports Network here. I can watch NFL games at absurd times of the day like 2am. It makes me miss home.

We have a ping-pong table in the basement. We play about twice a day, on average. We are all becoming experts. It is the best game on the planet.

I have started pre-production on my next theater piece. I almost said "final theater piece" but that'd be wrong. It is hopefully one of many future theater pieces. It is merely my final COW piece as a student of PHTS. At any rate, it involves space. I am very excited.

I wonder how things are over at 440. Probably crowded. I do miss it. I do sometimes miss home. When I had to go to the doctor twice in one week, I missed home. On the other hand, when I walk through the cobble-stoned streets of this city and come upon some beautiful, hiddden site - one of undoubtably many secret treasures of Prague that you only find when you are not looking for it - it makes it hard to miss home too terribly. This is a good thing, this semester.

I am growing a beard. Because I am abroad. And I can.

On Public Transportation

Czech people, for the most part, keep to themselves. They are quiet, reserved, and polite. This can best be seen while using the public transportation, which often feels a little bit like a library.

So imagine our surprise when one of us would find ourselves being publicly berated by an angry, elderly Czech woman. This is not a subtle reprimand. They yell. They hiss. They give unabashedly evil stares until either they or you leave the tram. It didn't take us long to realize that there is a custom here that wasn't explained to us until too late. And it has since become my favorite of the Czech culture.

When an elderly person (or someone otherwise visibly infirmed, i.e. one with a cane or crutches) boards the car, human beings of younger and fitter natures are obliged to let them have their seat. This is not out of mere politeness. This is something ingrained in their culture. It's in the blood.

And so now, I find myself hesitant to sit down when riding public transportation. Inevitably, an old lady will board at the next stop, and I'll have to get up. But that's not the hard part. No, it's easy to get up when someone really old boards the tram. The hard part is knowing what to do when someone kind of old boards the tram.

Cause what if they don't consider themselves old? What if they just look old? Will they be offended at my presumptuousness? The last thing I want to do in a foreign country is offend.

It reminds me of the Man Show episode when the Man Show Boy tries to earn a Merit Badge from the Boy Scouts by helping "old ladies" cross the street. Meanwhile, he's pissing off every middle-aged woman who crosses his path.

Thankfully, I've found it's better to err on the side of caution. Most people take it as a kind courtesy, and if they don't need to sit down, they'll thank me and tell me that they're fine with standing. (In Czech. And with body language, of course.)

I like this custom. Often, we'll see an old person waiting at the station before the tram even stops, and we'll get up pre-emptively. When you get up without being asked, they are overwhelmingly effusive, showering on "dékuju" after "dékuju" and often chattering away even after, as you smile back uncomprehendingly. It's even better when they are standing and you get up and tap them on the shoulder and point to your recently-vacated seat. I've never seen someone be more appreciative for such a such a simple, easy gesture.

We're all adapting to the new culture here. Things are different. It's not bad or good. It just is. But one thing is certain, if you make an effort, whole worlds open up. They can know you're American and that you don't speak Czech, and even so, a simple "Dobry den" or "dékuju" can bring a smile. Always.

And so, as I look forward many weeks to when I return to New York, I am excited to bring this custom with me. I will be riding the 6 train to Astor Place. At Spring Street, an old man or woman with many shopping bags and perhaps arm-crutches and also a seeing-eye-dog and a prosthetic knee will board the train. I will get up so this person can sit down. And maybe in the future, others will do the same.

A Guided Photo Tour

The following are pictures taken from a rest room stall at Charles University, the leading university in Prague. While peeing, I couldn't help but notice how their "shit-talking" often took the form of a history lesson. I was also struck by how American ignorance seems to have found it's way even to here, a Czech university. Also, I found some of the broken English kind of funny. Anyway, enjoy.

These are some of the nastier ones:

"Hey Czechs, Your country is lost. You were better off with the Russians. America owns you. Thank capitalism."

"Idiot, you think we are ill informed why don't you go to the states and meet some of us b4 you pass judgment"




"NukePrague.org <-- & nobody would notice"

"We need to realize that everyone is niave [sic] and ignorant on the grand worldly scheme of things, and once everyone accepts thy know nothing, we can all start to get along. We are elevating petty assumptions and prejudices [illegible] what they effect how you talk and [illegible] fellow humans."




"Hey Czechs, Have you ever heard of manners, gratitude, dentistry? If it wasn't for America you'd still be taking orders from the Kremlin. Oh wait, now you take your orders from the Russian mafia. Your country is a joke! It's funny to hear about how much you hate us when you keep eating up our culture. Grow up! Your [sic] jealous. It's plain as day. I will admit we have no business in Iraq but America and Americans deserve some respect. If it wasn't for our WWII effort there would be no Czechs. Only Germans. Now I'll enjoy watching Putin destroy what's left of your independance. Nice exchange rate. YOU'RE WEAK!"



My least favorite:

"Hey Czechs, thanks for Kafka. Now get out of my way. I'm an American."



The best point of all:

"AND YOU WROTE THIS ALL ON YOUR KNEES IN A CZECH TOILET!!!"




My favorite:




Broken English:





Romantic:

And finally, Harry Potter:

Hope that was as enlightening for you as it was for me.


Till next time,
Max

First Email

For those of you who for some reason aren't in my address book, below you'll find my original email update. It's a week's worth of Prague, as seen through my eyes:


"Hello, hello!

So, I've been here for a little over a week, and have about 20 more to go (I actually have no idea, I just pulled that number out of my butt), but so much has happened that I feel the need to write this, lest the task of updating my friends and family become to daunting to attempt. So here I am, writing. And there you are, on the other side of cyberspace, reading. It's almost like a conversation.

When I finish writing this, I'm going to press the "send" button. It will travel through aforementioned cyberspace to arrive at your computers -- for those of you on the east coast -- 6 hours BEFORE I send it! What exciting times we live in.

Before I go on, I know I know I know that some of you (maybe even more than some) are wondering why you're receiving this email. The answer is, I don't know. I inserted addresses from my address book based on impulse. It's a compliment. Please update me on your life, too. Don't think that just because you're not in Europe or Africa or Outer Space means that I am not interested in what YOU are doing. After all, it's the people not the place that matters. (Also, I know that many of you actually are in interesting, exotic places like Europe, Africa, or Outer Space. Please disregard that sentence about not being in one of those places. All other sections of this paragraph still apply.)

Ok ok ok. So, I'm in Prague. In Czech, it's "Praha." I took a week of introductory Czech classes. I can say "Hello." I can say "My name is Max." I can say "I study theater." I can say "How are you" and "I am fine" or "I am okay" or "I am so-so" or "I am tired." I can say "please" and "thank you" and "excuse me." I can order food and understand most menus (or the important bits, anyway.) I can ask who that man or woman is and where something is but usually can't understand the answers I receive. I can say directions like "left" or "right" or "up" or "down" or "straight." And I can theoretically count to 1,999. But it requires much concentration. But it's been fun to try and speak Czech and see how people respond. Our RAs were quick to point out that the Czech we learned was very formal and apparently quite stilted. So they taught us the slang. You can use it with the hip, young generation and get mad props. The Czech people for the most part are very nice, if a little reserved. Except if they're waiting on you. It's not a very service-oriented city, even in the touristy sections. I've found myself pleased if I get the food I ordered. The other day we were out to dinner, and our waitress tried to give me fettucini with spinach, gorgonzola cheese, and mushrooms instead of the fettucini with pesto and asiago cheese that I ordered. (If restaurants are not pubs with traditional Czech food, they're mostly Italian/Pizzerias...) When I told her that the dish was not mine she responded "No, it is." I must have looked sad because she said "It's very good. I eat it twice a week here. You'll like it." She then plopped it down in front of me and watched until I took a bite or two and smiled at her through clenched teeth. (I didn't really want to admit that it was pretty delicious. My heart really was set on that pesto dish...)

The food is good. Rich in flavor, low in price. The U.S. dollar is getting stronger every day (when we first got here it was worth about 16.5 Koruna, and just today it was exchanging in Old Town Square for 18.8 Koruna!) and it's not hard to find a full meal for the equivalent of about $7. Beer is cheaper than water, so it's usually the beverage of choice. I haven't had a beer I didn't like yet. Pilsner Urquell is everywhere (Pilsners all come from the same town in the Czech Republic. Unsurprisingly, it's called Plzeň (or Pilsen or Pilzen in English.) I enjoy the fried cheese and fried cauliflower (perhaps the only vegetarian dishes you can get in many places.) Roast pork with cabbage is also a crowd-pleaser. And you can't go wrong with the potato or bread dumplings, a Czech specialty.

The NYU center is composed of two buildings right in Old Town Square, which means I can look out the window from my classes and see the Astronomical Clock. The Clock chimes every hour and you can watch little wooden apostles come around to two windows and say hello. It's very underwhelming. I was told it would be underwhelming, and it was still underwhelming. That's how underwhelming it is. But the clock itself is a masterpiece. I don't understand exactly how to read all of the cool things that it apparently tells you, but it's gorgeous. Just one of the many historical treasures in the area. It's funny, though, how quickly we became immune to the apparent significance of Old Town. We pass through it every day, and mostly it's very crowded and more expensive than the rest of the city. It is beautiful, though.

The striking thing about Prague is that there doesn't seem to really be a proper "historical" section of town. Sure there's "Old Town." But really the entire city is like that. Cobblestones and old buildings with stones blackened from age and weather. It feels kind of like a section of Disney World, except not fake and not lame at all. It's a great city to get lost in. You can wander in any direction and find some random place that you'll feel just belongs to you. Like it's a treasure that YOU discovered and THIS is the REAL Prague. But I'm beginning to realize that a lot of Prague is like that. I don't know if this makes sense to you. But I think what I'm trying to say is, it doesn't feel "preserved." It just happens to be "preserved." Prague wears its heart on its sleeve, man.

The dogs are the most well-behaved I've ever seen. Most aren't leashed. It's not uncommon to see a dog waiting on the front steps of a store for its owner to return, at which point it gets up and follows him. It's kind of amazing.

The public transportation is amazing, too. I take trams almost everywhere. The metro is nice, but who needs to go underground when you can get to more places by staying above ground? One thing that's interesting is that you are expected to get up when old people board. If you don't, you get a lot of dirty looks and sometimes even hissing. I take back what I said earlier about Czech people being reserved. If you piss someone off on the tram, you'll know. One of my friends got poked in the back with an arm crutch by an old lady who saying something horrible to him, no doubt about his blatant lack of respect and over all unkemptness. Never had I wanted to understand Czech so badly! Besides those infrequent outbursts, however, the trams are silent. You can always tell the Americans because they're always the loudest ones there. (Also, they tend to speak English.)

What else? Oh NYU is a lying bunch of stingy bastards. They told us that our apartment, called Jaurisova for the street that it's on, is about a 30 minute tram ride to class or an hours walk. The truth is we're about a 45-minute tram ride or an hour and a half's walk. But we don't mind. Ours is the smallest residence that NYU provides and the furthest away. But because there are about 30 of us and we basically live in Prague's version of Bushwick, we've formed a pretty tight-knit community. Our RA made a facebook group for us called "Microcosmos of Jaurisova good kids companionship." Sure, it's a little bit broken, English-wise. But it's apt and so it's caught on. And I can't complain, really. It's an area I would never travel to unless I lived there. So I'm grateful. I feel like we're getting a taste of real Prague.

Last weekend, all the NYU kids in the program were taken to a sports complex to meet each other and participate in some friendly competition. The Microcosmos went undefeated in their activities, beating the others in Beach Volleyball and Soccer. We're getting shirts made.

The club scene is interesting. Some are really bad. Some are good. Our favorite so far is called "Cross" and looks and feels like Trent Reznor from Nine Inch Nails designed it. It's in the middle of nowhere, but has füzball and a funny dance floor that plays industrial-techno while young Czech people with "mullet dreads" (where their hair is regular all around except for the long part in the back, which is also dreadlocked. It's very stylish. I'm thinking of changing my 'do to fit in) dance without moving their legs. They sort of sway from the torso and swing their arms. It's not hard to feel like a good dancer here.

I feel like this update is lacking in real updateness.

We saw a tightrope/dance/theater performance by a French group called Les Colporteurs which was fantastic. We saw the last show. They looked like they were having so much fun. They got 4 or 5 ovations. I've never seen an audience react like that. Right now there's a theater festival going on that I'm going to CZECH out. (Haha.) Also playing at the National Theater is a production of Richard III (Shakespeare in Czech! Neat) and there's a modern dance performance that's the result of a collaboration between Tanec Praha and New York's own Dance Theatre Workshop. So as of now, those are the cultural goings-on in my life here. We were also told to go see the film Citizen Havel which is a documentary about Vaclav Havel, and is supposed to be fantastic. We found a cinema that shows movies with English subtitles (or, in the case of American movies, Czech subtitles) so we may go see that soon. That doesn't mean we're not all excited for the new James Bond movie that's coming out.

Oh! Last night, NYU shelled out some big bucks and treated us to a gourmet dinner. Carpaccio, prosciutto, mozzarella and cherry tomatoes, cheeses, ham, chicken! Free wine and beer! And who did we happen to run into but PHTS' own Dave McGee! (For those of you who don't know him, don't worry. You may one day. But in any case, just know it was a funny coincidence that actually wasn't so coincidental...) Anyway, he sends his regards. (Well, not explicitly, but I'm sure he does.)

So that's basically what it's like so far. This city is magical. That sounds cliche, but it really is. I'm loving every minute of it. You should all come and visit.



Love
Max"

Thanks to Ryann for reminding me of the wonders and simplicity of online blogging. Check (Czech) back now and then to find out what I've been up to while in the lovely city of Prague. I'll update as often as I can.